Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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