I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
