I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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