Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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