I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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