he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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