and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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