girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
