The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
