I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
