My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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