You can't motorboat a personality
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
