I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
