Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
