Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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