Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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