Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Terrible idea I love it
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
