ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
