Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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