This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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