Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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