I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
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You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
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Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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