So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
