The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
