i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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