i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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