Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
