He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
