Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Randomize
