He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
