did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
