I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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