oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
