I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The power of my boobs compel you
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
