is your mom at the bar?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I take back everything I said about communal showers
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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