can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
