PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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