Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
