Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
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The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
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Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize