Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
