please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
