I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
