My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just gargled with NyQuil
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
FUCK WHALES
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
