So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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