two words: eviction party
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
