tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
