Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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