Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
