3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
