i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
