I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
