Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
