Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Randomize
