I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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