Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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