My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
