Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
