I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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