so explain again why im purple
no
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
