she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
