pop tarts are not kleenex
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
