are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
