So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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