Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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