Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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