OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
