Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
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I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
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A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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