yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
