My brain says no but my pants say off.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
