I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
