I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
