have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dignity is for republicans.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
