Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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