im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
