You're so nebulous sometimes
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
