And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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