just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
