He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
