Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
