Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
