YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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