it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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