There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
